The true Muslim abides by the clear, unambiguous texts of the Qur’an which command him to treat women fairly and decently. He cannot be other than an ideal husband, so his wife enjoys his gentle company and close companionship, no matter how long they stay together. When he comes home, he greets his wife and children with a smiling face and extends to them the blessed greeting that Allah (S.W.T.) has enjoined and made the distinctive greeting of Islam:9

". . . But if you enter houses, salute each other a greeting or blessing and purity as from Allah . . ." (Qur’an 24:61)

The Prophet (S.A.W.) encouraged Anas (R.A.A.) to use this greeting: “O my son, when you go home greet your family with salam: it will be a blessing for you and your family.”

 He understands his wife and respects her feelings

The true Muslim always understands his wife and respects her feelings. He does not criticize her family or any of her relations in front of her, out of respect for her feelings. In return, she respects his feelings and does not do or say anything that may adversely affect any member of his family.

He helps her to make up for her failings and weaknesses

The sincere Muslim husband tries to make up for what his wife lacks, if he feels that she is lacking in knowledge or manners. He does this in the gentlest, kindest and most positive manner. If he encounters defiance or wilful deviance on her part, he brings her back to the straight and narrow in a gentle, humane and intelligent manner, avoiding harsh criticism or rebuking her in front of people, no matter what the reason. The most hurtful thing for a woman is that someone should hear her being reprimanded or witness her being scolded. The true Muslim is the most sensitive and respectful towards the feelings of others.

He knows how to strike a balance between pleasing his wife and treating his mother with due kindness and respect

The sincere Muslim husband draws upon his intelligence, compassion and strength of character in his dealings with both his wife and his mother, in such a way that he does not offend either of them. So he cannot be disobedient towards his mother or oppressive towards his wife. Rather, he recognizes his mother’s rights and treats her in the best possible way, while also recognizing his wife’s rights. He does not detract from his wife’s rights in the course of fulfilling his duty towards his mother and taking care of her. The truly sincere Muslim is able to do this, as long as he is truly conscious of Allah (S.W.T.) (i.e., has taqwA.) and follows the guidance and teachings of Islam, which treat both mother and wife with fairness and give each her due status.

He fully understands his role as a protector and maintainer (qawwam) of his wife

With such good attitudes and gentle treatment, the Muslim husband wins the heart of his wife, so she does not disobey him in anything. Therefore the Muslim man has been given the position of qawwam over women, because of the characteristics which Islam instills in him, the qualifications it has given him and the conditions and limits it has imposed on him:

"Men are the protectors and maintainers [qawwamun] of women, because of Allah has given the one more [strength] than the other, and because they support them from their means...]" (Qur’an 4:34)

Islam considers women to be a trust which has been given to men for safe-keeping. As the wife is usually influenced by her husband, he may take her with him to Paradise or lead her to Hell. Therefore Allah (S.W.T.) ordered the believing men to protect both themselves and their families from the Fire and gave a terrifying picture of the awful fate that awaits them if they neglect their responsibilities towards their wives and families and fail to compel them to adhere to the truth:

"O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones, over which are [appointed] angels stern [and] severe, who flinch not [from executing] the Commands they receive from Allah, but do [precisely] what they are commanded." (Qur’an 66:6)

The role of qawwam over women which Islam gives to men cannot truly be fulfilled unless the husband is a successful leader of his family. The Muslim husband does not assert his manhood through roughness, cruelty, violence and harsh words. This is the manhood of ignorance (jahiliyyah); Islamic manhood is something else altogether. The Islamic ideal of manhood is: a strong able personality; a noble attitude; tolerance and forgiveness of minor mistakes; strong adherence to the laws of Allah (S.W.T.) and determination to apply them to every member of his family; brilliant leadership in guiding his family to the truth; generosity without being extravagant; a thorough understanding of his responsibilities in this world and the next; and a clear idea of the ideal Muslim home. These are the characteristics of the true Muslim as Islam wants him to be.